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Attention control freaks: Holding onto fear and worry doesn’t make you a better person

Who out there reading this likes to worry? Nobody, of course, because nobody is going to admit to such a thing.

Let me ask it this way: Who out there thinks being in a state of worry and anxiety over a situation means you care more and are more responsible about the potential outcome than someone who is worry free? Hmm, perhaps I still don’t have anyone fessing up. But I’m hoping this last question at least gave you pause.

There’s a lot of dialogue in the spiritual community about the idea of surrendering control and surrendering your fears to the Universe/Spirit/God/etc. This is all very important information for us to absorb and think about, because the ability to do that whole surrendering thing is hella liberating and helps you breathe better.

But I wanted to add a facet to the conversation that I haven’t seen talked about a lot, and that is what I think is the subconscious reason that many of us hold onto fear so tightly that it doesn’t allow us to grab onto anything else—including the abundance and joy that we desire. And that is that maintaining the state of fear makes us feel like we're in control, we're doing something, and we are good enough to see resolution, because we care so much.

Your birth chart can give you awesome insight into what is uniquely driving your fear. In knowing my own chart and what makes me tick, I’ve identified some culprits:

Strong air energy from all the Aquarius. Thinking, overthinking, then thinking some more. ALL THE TIME.

Strong fixed energy from the Aquarius, Taurus, and Scorpio. Obsessing, controlling, and white knuckling it through life.

Strong Capricorn energy from the four planets there. Constantly trying to be better, thus constantly thinking I’m not good enough.

If you learn about your own chart—or, shameless plug, BOOK A READING WITH ME —you can identify what exactly is at the root of your worries.

Perhaps you are water dominant and your worry is more emotional and the result of other people’s feelings. Or perhaps you have fire in your chart that is directing you to feel so strongly about everything that you’re having a hard time separating what needs your energy and what doesn’t.

We all like to get our panties into a miserable chafing wad for different reasons, guys.

So anyway, my stubborn, overthinking, perfectionist ass likes to worry because it can’t let go and because not worrying makes me feel like I’m not doing enough and I’m irresponsible.

As if being in a sweaty panic about paying an upcoming bill is going to get that bill paid any faster. But if I’m not in a sweaty panic, I’m a reckless jerk who should care more about her finances.

Some might argue that that fear is what motivates them to take action. I say that’s false. Bravery in the face of fear—and a desire for something greater—is what is the motivator.

Read: It’s not obsessing about the negative that gets your ass in gear. It’s belief in the positive that will come when you get going.

So, no, you aren’t more concerned and more responsible simply because you’re biting your nails down to the quick over a stressful situation. That anxiety and those bloody cuticles are literally doing nothing to solve the problem, are they?

So, because I just love logic and intellectualizing everything, why the heck are you doing it?!

Well, because fear is a natural human emotion. Wanting to feel like we’re in control and can do something to fix a problem is also natural. Combine those two things and here you are, anxious af, trying to care and worry your way out of a situation.

Choosing to not worry, to give up that control, means you’re relying on something outside of yourself to solve the problem.


For the over-thinkers and control freaks, you might as well be asking them to chop off their own toes.

But wait a second. Isn’t working to make conscious effort to release that anxiety doing something too? Instead of running with the goal of being the biggest ball of nerves on the block, try something different. Set the goal and intention of allowing resolution to happen. This could take the form of sitting back and welcoming the solution that you would have never thought of yourself, or perhaps it could be that little voice in your head or a little synchronicity (that’s divine guidance, in case you’re wondering) bumping you towards taking a certain action.

The difference is you’re not acting out erratically out of desperation, and you’re not letting the situation consume your entire emotional and physical being.

When we surrender, we’re acknowledging that we don’t have this whole thing figured out ourselves. It’s a humbling thing to admit, and it’s one that isn’t easy for us over-thinkers and control freaks. We’re also acknowledging that the Universal force that does have it all figured out isgoing to help us…. IF WE LET IT. Which, if we’re so filled up with the negativity of the fear, worry, and anxiety… well, there’s less room left for that divine guidance to show us the way, and we’ll be spinning in our hamster wheel of stress forever.

So I’ll leave you with this: Get off the pedestal. You don’t know everything, and you don’t need to. Instead make the decision to release your need to control, your fear of what might happen, and your worry that you’re not doing enough. Be open to divine intervention and a path that might be unfamiliar, but that you’re being guided on one step at a time. You got this!

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